The Serenity Pray and I

The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
– Reinhold Niebuhr
As I am sitting here with a struggle in my mind, I was reminded of the prayer above.  It does capture the cry of my heart. But the quest for “the wisdom to know the difference” is so great.  I doubt I can ever truly achieve it.  Even with all the “trusting, surrendering, casting of my cares” that I am doing (or so it seems I am doing), I still struggle with the question “why” on some areas of my life.

There are days when I think my struggles are a test of faith that makes me closer to the Lord, but there are also days when I doubt if I am doing things right.  And then I get worried that one day I would just break and get off track.  “The wisdom to know the difference“. I need that.  I need the wisdom to know the difference on which things I should accept and which thing I should fight to change, to make the difference. There are days when I think I am doing well, and there are days when I think I am not …

OK, the days when I feel “I am not” fall about right within the PMS zone and the “why the heck am I not refilling my thyroid pills when  know I should” days.  OK, enough introspection.  It’s time to start the day and do the  chores…
Search me, O God,
and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and
see if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps. 139:23-24