The Serenity Pray and I

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

- Reinhold Niebuhr

As I am sitting here with a struggle in my mind, I was reminded of the prayer above.  It does capture the cry of my heart. But the quest for "the wisdom to know the difference" is so great.  I doubt I can ever truly achieve it.  Even with all the "trusting, surrendering, casting of my cares" that I am doing (or so it seems I am doing), I still struggle with the question "why" on some areas of my life.

 There are days when I think my struggles are a test of faith that makes me closer to the Lord, but there are also days when I doubt if I am doing things right.  And then I get worried that one day I would just break and get off track.  "The wisdom to know the difference". I need that.  I need the wisdom to know the difference on which things I should accept and which thing I should fight to change, to make the difference. There are days when I think I am doing well, and there are days when I think I am not ...  

OK, the days when I feel "I am not" fall about right within the PMS zone and the "why the heck am I not refilling my thyroid pills when  know I should" days.  OK, enough introspection.  It's time to start the day and do the  chores...

Search me, O God,

and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; and

see if there is any wicked way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Ps. 139:23-24 

Wish There's a USB Port In My Head, And I Can Easily Download My Thoughts As A Blog Post ...

... but then again, maybe not.

So many things in my mind lately.  If I don't dump some of it out into my blog (or journal),  I would have an overload ...

There is a radical decision I am contemplating on doing this weekend.  No, I am not committing suicide.  I believe God gave us life to live it abundantly. I love my life - with all it's joys and challenges.  Suicide hurts, not only on own body and soul, but it hurts our loved ones even more deeply. It makes the people who loves us most and we love most suffer.  If you Googled the word "committing suicide" and this post came up and you are reading it, take it as a sign that you should not do it. Enjoy life. E-mail me and I'll talk story" with you..

There is a radical decision I am contemplating on doing this weekend.  No, I am not divorcing my husband.  I believe in honoring my marriage's commitment of "till death do us part".  Sure there are ups and downs.  And maybe romance is slipping away a bit and needs improvement.  Bottomline, I love my husband and he loves me. That is fine. "Romance" (googly eyes on the cartoon as my kids would describe it) and "that lovin' feeling" come and go.  Commitment is the key.  Life is busy, very busy at this stage in our life.  That gooey feeling of romance will come back, when we find the time to bring it back.  For now, we need to find time to be sane and not get caught up with the "hustle and bustle" of this world. To make the right decisions. And to be happy on where we are at.  One of my best friends is moving out of their home next month.  She and her husband are separating.  I do not judge her. I love her so much.  I know both she and her husband are wonderful people and the decision did not come lightly. But I am still sad.  It's just sad to see such a great marriage back then lose it's bond now.  I still am hoping things will be worked out.  I am not giving up hope.

There is a radical decision I am contemplating on doing this weekend.  I do not have the details about it. I have to study every step of the way.  But I am confident it will work out for good.

I cannot tell you yet what that radical decision is.  And honestly, it might seems radical to me but minini to you.  Don't get too excited about it. Don't get too intrigued.  It's just me.... me and the many things that goes on my head that keeps me awake in the middle of the night.  It's just me and my never ending ideas and possibilities. Really, it's not that radical for you, but for me it would be.

I hear my husband's alarm clock going off.  Time to log off the computer. Aloha and a hui hou!

P.S. -

Two of my sweet friends are blogging.  I just added them to my blog roll. Check them out (wonderful blogs!):

June: http://www.junesforecast.com/
Whitney: http://ilovemisswhitney.blogspot.com/

I Know ...

"I know..."  I never knew that the phrase "I know..." can be  such a comforting word. It is to me right now.

Let me explain why and how.

We are currently studying the book of Revelation at church.  A few weeks ago, when it was announced that we will go through the book of Revelation during Sunday Services, I was a bit worried.  Would it be "hard to understand?" "would it be boring?".  None of my worries came true.  In fact it was the opposite.  I love the way Pastor Charles is teaching us through the book of Revelation.  Each Sunday I learn something new or I am reminded of something I had forgotten.  Two weeks ago was "first love".  Last week, it was that phrase "I know....".

I slept early last night.  Just tired.  I lay down next to my daughter on her bed while praying for her, and I fell asleep there.  Then I woke up in the middle of the night (now early morning) and I couldn't go back to sleep.  Too many things on my mind.  Too may decisions to make, too many things I want to discuss with my husband but don't know exactly how we should discuss, too many things going on....

And I was laying on my bed ...  yes, I even moved to my bed (ok, my husband and I's bed) .. and I still couldn't sleep...  just as I was about to start praying about the many concerns I have, I felt (heard) a still small voice in my heart saying " ... I KNOW....".  And of course I teared up.  I know it's the Holy Spirit.  I know it's the Lord.  He knows.  He knows what my concerns are.  He knows what's troubling me.  And just as he told the Church of Smyrna in the book of Revelations that "He knows" ... that He knows of their affections and sufferings .. He also told me He knows what my needs and concerns are.

Revelations 2:9(a) "I know your afflictions and your poverty - yet you are rich! ..."

Revelations 2:10(b) ".... Be faithful, even to the point of death, and I will give you the crown of life".

My poverty is nothing compared to what the church of Smyrna is going through.  It's actually minini if  I put everything in perspective.  I still believe I need some things done, I still will press on accomplishing what I need to accomplish... but it's nice to know that God "knows".  He knows, not in general terms ... but personally - with all the details of my life. He will guide me through.

" ... I know ...".

First Love, Balance and Margins, Loving The Gay and Homosexuals, Helping The Abused and Neglected Children, Making New Friends while Keeping the Old, etc.

The title of this post is long ... I know.  That's just a few of the many things on my mind this past weeks.  Topics that I would have loved to blog extensively about, except that I can't find the time to blog about it.  Juggling my time between family (being a wife and a mom), work (the day time job I am blessed with and the side job as do as a social media strategist), there really is very little margin left on my free time.  In fact I do not really have  a margin for free time even though I try to squeeze it in every now and then.

Had I not returned to my "first love" (Jesus, that is) this past few months, I know I would have been a basket case at this time already.  The time we are living in, with the economic stress and all, it's very easy to get anxious and not have rest...

I still am not perfect in keeping a balance in my life.  I have a long way to go.  But one thing I know is that drawing closer to Jesus made a huge difference in the way I am handling things and keeping me sane in this insane world of ours.

Glad I found this few minutes to post here.  When I get the chance, I'd be back for more.

How about you .. what makes you sane in this crazy world of ours?